Although 10% of all known pregnancies end in miscarriage, talking about it still feels so taboo.
Statistics won’t make a woman dealing with a miscarriage feel comfortable, but what may help her is realizing that she is not alone.
So how can you heal physically and emotionally from a miscarriage?
In fact, you should know that not every woman deals with miscarriage in the same way.
There is indeed no right or wrong way to grieve and heal from a miscarriage.
However, the best ways to recover are: taking time off, expressing your feelings out loud or on paper, seeking help without feeling ashamed, and finding distractions.
The rest of this article explains what is a miscarriage and expands on the above strategies to help you deal with the grief of a miscarriage.
What Is a Miscarriage?
A miscarriage is the loss of a baby before the 20th week of pregnancy.
A miscarriage can often occur before a woman is even aware that she’s become pregnant (also known as chemical pregnancies).
The main sign of a miscarriage is vaginal bleeding, which may be accompanied by severe cramps in the lower abdomen and back pain.
However, keep in mind that light vaginal bleeding is relatively common during the first trimester (from week 1 to the end of week 12) and does not necessarily mean that you are having a miscarriage.
The bleeding of a miscarriage is similar to a menstrual period but may have clots that look like tiny tissues in the vaginal discharge.
Severe symptoms like fever, dizziness, and contractions should be treated as a medical emergency.
What Are The Causes of a Miscarriage?
First Trimester
The first trimester is the most critical time in your pregnancy.
The majority of miscarriages that occur during the first trimester are caused by abnormal chromosomes in the baby.
These genetic abnormalities (having too many or not enough chromosomes) prevent the fetus from properly developing.
Usually, these issues are not related to the parents – they’re just the result of a pregnancy that couldn’t be brought to term.
Another cause leading to a miscarriage is a deficiency in progesterone – the hormone involved in regulating the woman’s cycle and maintaining the early stages of pregnancy.
Without sufficient production of progesterone, the uterus won’t be able to sustain the embryo.
Second Trimester
At this stage, a miscarriage is likely to occur because of malformations in the uterus, the placenta or the cervix.
Problems range from placental abruption, placental previa, or cervical insufficiency – meaning the mother has a weakness of the cervix, which can’t hold the pregnancy.
Other factors that can increase the risk of miscarriage include maternal health conditions such as diabetes, thyroid disease, high blood pressure, kidney disease, and some blood clotting disorders.
Certain bacterial infections like bacterial vaginosis, or cytomegalovirus can also inflame the lining of the uterus and cause a miscarriage.
Smoking and drinking alcohol also contribute to the development of a miscarriage.
After the 20th week of pregnancy, the loss of a baby is referred to as a stillbirth rather than a miscarriage.
4 Ways To Help You Process The Pain of Miscarriage
Below are 6 tips to help you deal with the grief of miscarriage:
1: Take a Step Back If You Need To
A miscarriage can come with a roller coaster of emotions ranging from feelings of guilt, shock and anger.
You may feel angry at the world over other pregnancies that make it to term.
Therefore, give yourself some time alone to grieve.
If certain gatherings or celebrations, such as baby showers, are too painful for you, allow yourself not to attend.
It is very natural to feel tired, lose your appetite, or to have trouble sleeping after a miscarriage.
Give yourself permission to take some compassionate leave to recover emotionally as well as physically.
2: Express Your Feelings
Some people find it comforting talking about their feelings, while others find the topic difficult to discuss.
Be honest with your friends and loved one.
Communicating your feelings in a constructive and honest way can help you and the people who want to support you.
Some of your friends may not know what to say to you, so talking to them honestly without trying to run away from your real emotions – which can be exhausting – can make the situation more understanding.
If you find it difficult to talk about your feelings, it might help to write them down.
You may not be able to put what you feel into words, but this can give you a chance to process your own emotions until you become ready to start planning for your next pregnancy.
Remember that the father of the baby may also be affected by the loss.
However, some men may find it harder to express their feelings.
Therefore, make sure you openly discuss how both of you are feeling to get through miscarriage together.
Be kind to each other, listen, and respect each other’s way of coping.
3: Seek Help
Miscarriage can be a draining experience.
Don’t feel ashamed to ask your friends and loved ones for emotional and practical support.
Pregnancy loss can create a sense of loneliness, but remember that you don’t have to go through this alone – surround yourself with people you feel most comfortable with.
While your friends and family will always be there for you, connecting with others who have gone through the exact same loss can even be more helpful.
There are many in-person and online support groups available where you can chat anonymously to other women who really understand what you are going through.
Joining a support group can have a lasting positive impact on your life in the long run.
The same way you have reached out to someone for support, another parent who can relate to your struggle may also reach out to you someday.
If you are religiously inclined, it may also help to speak to a spiritual leader or attend group worship events.
Miscarriage can also cause feelings of anxiety, depression, and relationship problems.
Talking with a therapist with expertise in reproductive medicine in this case may help you recover more quickly and effectively.
4: Find Your Own Distractions
Try to come up with your own list of distraction activities to drive your attention away from unwanted emotions.
Sometimes, focusing a lot on one aspect of life can make your feelings more out of control.
Therefore, by temporarily distracting yourself, you may give your feelings some time to decrease in intensity, making them easier to manage.
Meditating and reading are things you can try to slowly come to term with your grief.
Try to refocus your energy on other life aspects such as family, work, and hobbies.
Do Not Lose Hope
Initially, miscarriage may come as a huge shock to some couples and it is completely normal to need some time to make sense of what has happened and why.
Remember that you are not alone and that you will recover in time.
Fortunately, most women can have normal pregnancies and births after a miscarriage.
Don’t feel ashamed to talk about miscarriage and to seek help.
It is very important to normalize this subject in order to spread awareness and help other couples who have been through pregnancy loss.
References:
Goldman, Rena. “A Breakdown of Miscarriage Rates by Week.” Healthline, 2018, https://www.healthline.com/health/pregnancy/miscarriage-rates-by-week.
De Bellefonds, Colleen. “What Is a Chemical Pregnancy?” What to expect, 2020, https://www.whattoexpect.com/pregnancy/chemical-pregnancy/.
Brazier, Yvette. “Everything you need to know about cytomegalovirus.” Medical news today, 2018, https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/173811.
