This is a wholly personal decision. There is no right and wrong answer to whether you should tell anyone about your journey.

However, it’s high time we break the taboo of infertility and divulge more information about the journey of IVF and the way it makes you feel. 

When going through IVF, many women don’t reveal to even close friends they are undergoing fertility treatments. 

First, the silence results from feeling stressed and overwhelmed to find out if you are going to be pregnant after all the injections and uncertainty.  

Second, you may feel inferior and ashamed of your situation – as if your body has failed you – so it becomes very natural for you to put up walls of protection. 

It is like you become a member of an underground club, and it’s only when you open up that others may also reveal their membership!

Staying isolated during the process of IVF isn’t always the best decision.

Therefore, considering the pros and cons of telling people can help you make the best choice. 

Why Tell People You’re Doing IVF

• Telling people you are doing IVF may stop them from pressuring you. You can just be open and honest when people ask, “when are you going to have kids”. Say that you are trying but having problems. They will probably be more understanding and sensitive around you – especially when you are having a bad day. 

• IVF is a tough experience for both you and your partner. It is not always easy relying solely on your husband to talk about grieves and emotions. Sharing your infertility journey with your friends may take a lot of pressure off your husband, especially when he’s too busy or away. 

• Another benefit of sharing is you’ll give the closest people to you an opportunity to show that they understand, care, and support you. It might be nice having someone to confide in, attend appointments with, and help with injections, or a shoulder to cry on when feeling down after a negative pregnancy test. Read our article for more information on How To Deal With Disappointment After a Negative Pregnancy Test.  

• It is also essential to find support from someone outside of the IVF process who is ready to listen to you, and distract you with a film, ice cream, and different topics of conversation to light up your mood and ease your struggles. 

• Telling your friends you are doing IVF can help when potentially uncomfortable situations arise such as baby showers, drinking parties, taking days off from work. You can turn invitations down or leave work half way through the day without worrying about inappropriate comments.

Why Keep Your Treatment A Secret

• You may not want to share your story with others because you don’t want to be pitied.

• You just don’t want to be the huge elephant in a room, where everybody is afraid to talk about. Some friends may even feel afraid to tell you anything about their pregnancy or new babies and you don’t want to make them feel uncomfortable. 

• You don’t want anyone asking you how things have gone as soon as you’ve embarked on your fertility journey, especially if it’s not good news. You might prefer to avoid the hassle of being judged. 

• You feel resentful that other people get pregnant with no effort while you are having infertility problems. So opening the subject alone is emotionally difficult. 

• You don’t want to deal with people’s lack of understanding and inappropriate comments. Some people don’t even agree with the whole concept of IVF and don’t know how to handle these subjects in a sensitive way.

Help Break the taboo Around IVF

Having trouble trying to conceive and turning to alternative ways to get pregnant, like IVF is nothing to be ashamed of.

You should have no reason to be concerned what other people think.

Instead, remember that the moment you get to hold your beautiful baby in your arms, it won’t matter how he or she got here.

Your baby will not be any different because you needed help to conceive.

But YOU will be different; a bit braver, stronger, and more grateful! 

By being open about your fertility issues, you are helping open the door for someone else to talk about their fertility issues.

Remember that you are not alone walking this path, so be open and honest about the work you are doing to become a parent.

Your journey can spread hope and positivity to a lot of couples struggling in silence. 

Whatever You Decide: Find The Support You Need

Friends or family may not completely understand your experience, but most of them have struggled in life, which is enough to show care and support on some levels. 

If you don’t feel you can talk to friends or family, there are plenty of mobile applications, online forums, and communities that can offer some of the best support.

People on those platforms understand fully what you are going through.  

You can even reach out to a counselor or a fertility specialist (even “Me” if you feel comfortable to).

Whatever you decide, you do not need to deal with things alone, and always remember that IVF is nothing to be ashamed of! 

References:

Planned Parenthood. “What is IVF?” PlannedParenthood, 

https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/pregnancy/fertility-treatments/what-ivf.