If you found yourself on this page, then you’ve probably peed on a stick and read a negative result.

Sadness, anger, and guilt are all totally acceptable.

As a reproductive scientist, I’ve had to deal with multiple women going through disappointment after finding out that they weren’t pregnant – especially after fertility treatment. 

You may think you’d get through it, and some people really do, but many get stuck in a loop of emotions and feelings of failure.

So how to overcome those feelings of disappointment when the pregnancy test comes out negative?

You can get past those feelings by using positive self-talk, journaling your thoughts, confiding in someone you feel comfortable with, and doing fun things to keep moving forward. 

The rest of this article gives you 4 ways to stay positive and not let one test get to you. 

4 Ways To Deal With Disappointment

Here are 4 ways to deal with disappointment:  

1: Use Positive Self-Talk

When the test is negative, you may also become plagued by negative thoughts, which can contribute to unpleasant emotions. 

A very effective technique to soothe anxious minds is to replace negative thoughts by positive affirmations. 

Some negative thoughts you may tell yourself include “I am a failure”, “I will never get pregnant”, “my life is meaningless”.  To rid yourself of these thoughts, you should use rationality and positive self-talk.  

In fact, getting a negative pregnancy test may bring back school memories such as failing an exam.

Don’t let this result define your worth as a person.  

Instead, say positive things to yourself such as “It’s a matter of time”, “My turn will eventually come”. 

Even if you discover that you can’t get pregnant, keep an open mind. There are always other options to become a parent.

Remember, you can seek fertility treatments, or even resort to egg/sperm donors, adoption, or surrogacy.  

2: Journal Your Thoughts

Writing down your worries and negative thoughts is a helpful way to “de-load”. 

So try not to hold in your pain because this will make you feel worse. 

Journaling your thoughts, symptoms, and mood changes throughout your cycle is a great way to track your body changes and emotions.

This method allows you to express what you are going through in more depth than when you use a mobile application. 

Furthermore, keeping a record of everything in a journal will help you get past the feelings of disappointment, and will push you to look forward to your next cycle. 

Also, try to write down a comforting reply to every negative story that crosses your mind. You may be surprised how you can calm your body and mind on your own through rational thinking.  

3: Talk To Someone You Feel Most Comfortable With

Talk about your feelings with someone you feel most comfortable with. 

That person could be a friend, your mother, your partner, or a therapist. 

You can even join a forum community dedicated to moms-to-be where you can discuss and share your experience with people struggling with the same obstacles as you. 

When you talk to your partner, remember that he might react and process differently to the news.

Therefore, don’t feel offended or hurt if your partner takes the news in a less devastated way than you did.  

4: Do Something Fun To Take Your Mind Off

Allow yourself some time to grieve, but remember that your life is worth much more than getting pregnant.

Therefore, simply embrace and appreciate what you have.  

Do not put your life on hold.

Instead, go back to the things and activities that make you happy.

You can also join a dancing class, practice meditation and mindfulness, read an exciting book, go for a swim, watch a comedy, or even travel.  

Make future plans that don’t necessarily involve children because thinking about the future helps you remember that this is not the end of the road. 

A Ray Of Hope:

Don’t let one test get to you if you still think that you may be pregnant and you haven’t started your period yet. 

Below are 3 factors that could affect your pregnancy results: 

1: You Haven’t Had Your Period Yet

There is still a chance that you could be pregnant if you still haven’t had your period. 

However, keep in mind that missed or late periods happen for many reasons other than pregnancy. 

Common causes include hormonal imbalances, stress, loss or gain of body fat, breastfeeding, and menopause. 

2: You Tested Early

If you took a test before the day your period is supposed to start, then some pregnancy tests won’t be able to detect the HCG levels (the pregnancy hormone) in your urine, which may result in a false negative result. 

Even the day of your expected period may be too early for many home pregnancy tests. 

Therefore, you are more likely to get an accurate result if you wait until you are a few days late on your period. 

3: You Have Irregular Cycles

When you have irregular cycles, it becomes harder to know for sure the day of your period. 

So if you get a negative pregnancy test, don’t give up hope as it could be that the odds can be that you just took the test too early. 

Consult Your Gynecologist

Getting a negative pregnancy test can be heartbreaking.

However, remember that this doesn’t mean that you will never fulfill your dream of becoming a mother. 

Take an appointment with your doctor to get better insights about your reproductive health.

Your doctor will give you advice and other options to speed up the process. 

Read our article How To Ensure You Have The Right Gynecologist if you still don’t have one you can trust.

As you go through the baby-making journey, be kind to yourself and remain optimistic no matter how many times you’ve tried to conceive. 

Sources and References:

1. Todd, Nivin. “Understanding Infertility — Treatment.” WebMD, 02 April 2019, https://www.webmd.com/infertility-and-reproduction/guide/understanding-infertility-treatment.

2. Craft, Carrie. “5 Reasons Why You Should Consider Adopting a Child.” verywell family, 03 December 2020, https://www.verywellfamily.com/five-reasons-you-should-adopt-a-child-26587.

3. Brinsden, Peter. “Gestational surrogacy.” Human Reproduction Update, vol. 9, no. 5, 2003, pp. 483–491. Oxford Academic, https://doi.org/10.1093/humupd/dmg033.

4. Stanford, Joseph. Fecundability in relation to use of mobile computing apps to track the menstrual cycle. vol. 35, 2020. Oxford Academic, https://academic.oup.com/humrep/article/35/10/2245/5903555?login=true.

5. Walker, Jennifer. “All you need to know about hCG levels in early pregnancy.” Clearblue, 23 April 2020, https://www.clearblue.com/pregnancy-tests/hcg.